When I first started my journey into surrogacy it was with the hope and desire to make a family where there was none. To give the gift of life. Never did I imagine the things I would learn and what a gift I would be given.

I have four children of my own and although I am very cautious when choosing a baby sitter, as I'm sure we all are, I had no idea what kind of trust it takes to give up what you thought to be the most basic of human things.I knew that I could carry a baby and I knew that I could go through a delivery again and my family was very supportive but I just could not imagine what it was like to have to find someone to do that for you. I spent many hours asking myself what made me think I was that kind of person and why someone should trust me.

I met my first couple in July of 99. We were made for each other. My IM was like sister to me. Although we lived miles apart we communicated daily and built a wonderful relationship. It was through her I first began to see how difficult it must be to give up your child to someone else to carry. It was also through her I came to experience the incredible bond two women can share. I had had many women friends over the years but never a relationship like this one. It was a new kind of intimacy. We shared so much. Not just things in common, but things that came from inside. She seemed to really understand who I was and what brought me to surrogacy and I learned how deep the pain can run from infertility. I am sad to say until then it was something that I never gave a great deal of thought to, infertility. What an ugly word. I always thought it must be horrible but never really thought about the pain. It was at that point I learned about trust.

When my IM shared with me her most intimate thoughts and fears through the things she had experienced trying to carry her own baby I started to understand what an enormous leap of faith they were taking with me.

We had our share of "speed bumps" with the doctors, attorneys and all the other people you have to involve in this process but what I found was that in the end nothing mattered. Not what was written in the contract, not the success rate of the clinic, nothing. It was all secondary to knowing that she trusted me. That was everything I could have asked for. She trusted me. When she held my hand during the transfer and I saw the tears well up in her eyes I realized that I was the one being given the gift of life. What an extraordinary opportunity I was being blessed with! I was being entrusted with the most precious of cargo God has ever given anyone. What an honor it was to have so much faith put in me. I will always remember the sense of pride God gave me from that experience. I will carry with me always the love we shared. No matter what happens through out the rest of my life I will know that everything is a matter of trust. Trust in God. Trust in ourselves. Trust in the people we bring into our lives.

I hope after reading this everyone takes a moment to evaluate there relationships, not just with their SM's and IP's but with all you come in contact with. I believe human nature is good. I think we all want to see the best in everyone. Above all we must not loose our ability to trust. Trust is valuable.